Saturday, February 2, 2019

Travel Tips: Finding a Calling Edition

New Spiritual Job: Taxi Driver and Janitor.

It's Groundhog Day and i have a new spiritual job! Last week I went to Helheim after finding that lost soul and Hella told me i ended up ferrying over 500 souls with me to Helheim that night. All of the free floating Hugrs around me in Midgard that were connected to the painful emotions of unrequited love followed my path down into the dark. I took one soul and the rest just came along. When i was down there i gave my word that i would return this week to see if there was any help needed. All day yesterday, i heard references to Hel. A co-worker also came to me and told me about how one of our technicians tragically died from a car running through her house and pinning her to the wall across her bedroom on Thursday. I met the woman once. She seemed like a nice woman.
I wasn't feeling good last night, though, and i was going to not go through with it, but then i felt this weird tugging, like if i didn't do it, my body pain would be much more worse. So as much as i wasn't feeling it, i got to my altar and pulled out my drum and sang myself into Helheim. This time was very different. I saw the woman from my work. I saw some people who died from old age. I saw some who died from loneliness. I saw some people who died from tragedy. Some were Christians and so confused and hurt. Some were non believers. Most of them didn't know they were dead. I'm noticing that. Most of the dead don't know they are dead. Most just keep doing what they were doing right before they died and they are stuck in some loop like that movie Groundhog's Day.
My new job is to come in and tell them there's a place where the dead interact with one another to find wholeness. It's a place to gently heal and find what the soul needs. For Helheim's halls are vast and full of many ways to meet those who help us recover what life took from us. In a way, I'm like a librarian collecting lost books and finding a shelf for them to get to where they need to go to. Even when i went to Helheim, as i was flying around, i noticed some souls were outgrowing certain places. I found the Pit of Self Loathing and a young man was done being in there. I could hear his soul saying “help me! I'm done here” and i hugged him and flew him out of there to a new place.

Helheim seems to be a place where the dead have no sense of their own personal realm. They learn and grow by wandering around and interacting with one another. Then when they have a strong sense of self, they form and petition to the Goddesses to help them get reborn. I feel like this was what happened to me before and later on i dreamed of old lessons from Hel rising from my soul.

So I'm like a janitor right now. My Volva duties right now are just being the clean up crew. I got my taxi license and my laugh and my smile. I'm going to spend a while traveling around Midgard, picking up lost souls and making sure they get to where they need go.

So for my bonus, i was given a puppy for my personal realm. Supposedly, Garm has lots of puppies. I named my little Hel beast BG. Baby Garm.

‘Lil BG is now running around my personal realm licking and chewing on everything. I feed him anything that keeps me from my personal growth. Whatever keeps me from my soul's calling, lil BG gets a chunk. That way he has a job, too.

We all have jobs waiting for us in the 9 realms. I guess It's all about finding the right one that fulfills our deepest needs.

It's Groundhog Day today. Also, Imbolc, the time to honor the Disir. I wish all of you happiness and wholeness not matter what side of the realms you may find yourself in. And if you feel lost and stuck in patterns, just remember, you aren't alone. You just might find the answer standing right next to you.


Thursday, January 24, 2019

Conversation with the Old Man




“So the mission is clear”

“What’s the mission?”

“You”

“Me?”

“Yes, you”

“Wait, I’m the mission??”

“Yes, you”

“But I thought I was going to save the world”

“Yes, you are. If you save yourself, you save the only world you know.”

“So I’m just a girl experiencing herself.”

“You’re much more than that”

“Really? Am I a giant or a powerful hero”

“You can be that for yourself, if you’d like”

“What am I, then”

“You’re you”

“BUT WHAT AM I??”

“Well, you won’t know until you find out?”

“Wait, you’re tricking me aren’t you?”

“HAHAHAHA! You wish”

“So I just seek myself and see what happens? That’s not magic”

“It’s the greatest magic there is. Even the Gods envy the living who are discovering themselves.”

“Is that why you visit me, so you can watch?”

“And also remind. We remind you that you are important, because once, the great Runa came to us and reminded us to seek ourselves. When you have something that profound happen to you, you tend to pass it forward”

“How many times have you lived in a human body?”

“Oh, countless times. Now get up for work, you’re going to be late.”

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Coyote's Lament



Coyote’s Lament

I was born a dreamer of impossible dreams
I was born with a desire to explore:
To create a life the way I want to -
To live while not giving up the self I adore.

Yet, I was born with a big heart
I love people so much and get so attached.
I want to run and play, nip and yowl
Yet, I am kicked and hit. I am a nuisance.

Sometimes I meet people who will join me
They run and play for a while
But the moment they fall and twist their foot
They say that I am to blame!

“Coyote, your play is dangerous!”, they say
And they run back to the village in a huff
“Don’t play with coyote because he’s crazy!”
So I whimper to the wilderness and run with the Wolves.

Sometimes, I get hungry and I want to hear a human story
I must wear a coat of night to get close
But if my hood falls off, they will try to shoot me
So careful I must be, I cannot trust most.

No ones like playing with the coyote after they get hurt
After they trip on their own shadow and
Pierce themselves on the Prickly Pear
Everyone says “Coyote made me do it!”

“Coyote, your play is dangerous!”, they say
And they run back to the village in a huff
“Don’t play with coyote. He sticks you with Prickly Pear!”
So I whimper to the wilderness and run with the Wolves.

No one likes me when I get hungry.
“Come share the chickens with me.”, I say
But they get mad and shoot me, saying
“Coyote, you eat all the chickens! Go away!”

“Coyote, your play is dangerous!”, they say
And they run back to the village in a huff
“Don’t play with coyote because he eats all the chickens!”
So I whimper to the wilderness and run with the Wolves.

I run all night and run all day, always seeking for adventure.
Then one day, on a hunt for rattlesnakes
I met a wolf pack wandering the wilderness wastes.
I shook and I hid. (Coyote feared for his life!)

But the wolf pack did not have a taste for coyote
For they were quite intelligent and knew how
To take down the great herds of bison and elk
So coyote followed and learned from them.

They grew used to my little shadow following
Each time they moved the pack and played
I so wished I could join them but I feared
And I dared not gamble my life away.

So for years I kept wandering into town
Then fleeing back out to the wilderness alone.
I followed the wolves for a time
As a benevolent protective shadow.  

Then one day, I was watching from a bush
The new pups and yearning to play.
I saw the shadow of the eagle first and yipped
Wolf Mother rose in alarm and hid the pups away.

Now I feared they would come to hunt me down
I had got too close to their den!
So I ran to the briers and dove deep
Into my home of thorns again.

Yet later, Wolf Father quietly came sitting close by
In his eyes a dark kindness as he turned to say
“Fear not, Little one. You’ve watched our backs.
You protected our pack. You, Coyote, are welcome to stay.”

- Christina Marvel

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Karl Munr

 ( The Gleaners by Francios Millet)


Munr Karl

Many years ago, I was talking with my Romanian friend at a little donut shop we would meet to talk about philosophy. That day he was unusually sad and he confided in me. His wife had just left him and he was contemplating leaving the country to find adventure and healing. I asked him what he thought brought the end of their relationship and he said, “she didn’t have the capacity to deal with the wounded parts inside of myself that I couldn’t mend yet”. That phrase has always stuck with me since then.

I have a tendency to love people a lot, but I also have a lot of quirks. I was terribly abused as a child: starved, beaten, and treated as a dog. I had very little joy when I was young and most of my memories are the stuff of nightmares. I have since learned to hold onto the happy memories for comfort and solace and I strive every day to make up for my childhood by making lots of happy memories now. I want to get to the end of my life and see my mind filled with loads of happiness and joy so I pursue joy.

In the past, I often was patient and loving with people, way more than they were for me. I had friends and lovers who I would “emotionally nurture” and I knew they could not nurture me the way I could them. I had a large capacity to deal with their pain. The problem that happened, is that I started to descend into my past…I became the bearer of everyone’s misery and I descended into a deep depression. In my 30’s, I was plagued with suicidal thoughts and was quite sad all the time. I started slowly crawling my way out of that pit, claiming my own space, carving out sacred spaces of joy for myself here and there and slowly I reclaimed friend and lovers who valued my happiness just as much as they valued theirs. I have been slowly learning boundaries and it’s been quite and adventure. When you love people unconditionally, people often think they own you and when you act unexpected, they freak out because it reveals to them their shadows. IT takes a lot of self-knowledge to have good boundaries in a romantic relationship. We have to face our fears of loss of love to stand up to our partners and say, “I’m here for you, but I’m not carrying the burden of your self-healing. I will be here waiting on the other side of this safety fence!”

Often what happens is we expect our partners to fix us or we expect to fix our partners, but the only person that can actually do self-healing is the self. No one else can do that. We are responsible for our growth and evolution and ultimately, our own healing.

So when we take full responsibility for our own healing, our relationships become a lot more about dancing with each other, instead of being absorbed or taking over one another. The road to find this kind of emotional freedom is a long one and can be very difficult (especially for those of us emotionally wounded so much in the past), but it’s a journey with countless rewards. Once we are emotional sovereign in our own minds, we are free to live and love how we choose. We are not enslaved to ideals or others. We are able to weave our own fate and create new things in our lives we could not have possibly done before.

In the Rigsthula, there are three stages of people that Heimdall helped. The Thralls, the Karls, and the Jarls. Becoming a Karl in our Munr, in our emotional self, requires us to face all the emotional threads that shackle us towards other's needs. We can still be accountable and not slave to one another, but that requires us to face all of ourselves (both our conscious and our subconscious.) We may think we are emotionally free, yet why do we still behave as if we are expecting others to be what we need them to be? Why do we still get wounded when people "disappoint" us? Why do we yearn for love outside of us? Why do we expect people to understand us? Why do we want people to do what we advise them to do?

These are just small threads that chain us to other people, instead of allowing us to choose them as a Karl... a freeman in this world of many competing needs.





Monday, January 14, 2019

Mimir’s Vígríðr



Mimir’s Vígríðr

The heart is a fertile valley
Besieged by the enemies of Frith.
Oft’ the mind lays war-torn and
Broken on these battlefields of desire.

Each day we walk out our door
Our Hamr must gear for war.
Shall it fall to the death knells of fate
Or slowly fade from a thousand blows of woe?

Blighted trolls wait in the deep forest
Woven from the threads of Nastrondr
Like the mass of writhing snakes at the base of Yggdrasil
There are too many foes to count.

But the heart is a fertile valley
Highly sought by the cold cruel beings of the realms:
Where each of us must wage our war
To survive or fall into desolate ruin.

There are trolls who come up in the minds of men:
Like snakes, they lash out and seek to pollute our thoughts;
For the Mind is where all Sagas are wrought
And each of us, the narrator therein.

There are sirens that seek our fath in self
And the feed off us while we stumble into cages.
There are beings of despair who feed off hope
Slowing our feet in the swamps of doubt.

There are blights that come from malice:
Their fateful weavings become like diseased trees
Leaving seeds of selfishness and greed
That grow like weeds and choke the minds of men.

There are dark elves of betrayal
Who sing sweet songs in the woods
And in one last trusting moment
Abandon us on the road to Hel.

There are vicious trolls of vexation
Who clamor and shout in the mountains
And all that live in their shadow
Forget how to play, dance, and sing.

There are small winged trolls of worry
Who sing the night songs of anxiety.
They kill with a thousand stings
And weary a mind as it stumbles towards its doom.

There are bog trolls, descended from foul spirits
Who hold malice under their masks of joy.
They cause the mind to become confused
And eventually distrust all intentions of others.

There are small shaking wyrms of doubt
That whisper of danger everywhere:
So the mind begins to transform
Into the hord-craving armored Wyrm.

There are lich’s of the underworld
Who would seduce you away from your soul.
They scream “I told you so” when we fall
And begin to erode the mind’s trust in its own heart.

There are worms of greed that come in the rain seasons
Whispering their worrisome songs in the fertile fields:
“Share not”, “Trust not”, “Give not”
And meanwhile the heart grows apart
Isolated from its tribe and friends.

There are spirits of distraction, nagging the mind:
Restless and always persistent:
They push the us to go too fast or too far
And when we collapse, they heap abuse on our wearied mind.

There are dark weavers of discontent
Who spin narratives of despair
Every time we are wounded
They say this world has no more hope for life.

There are packs of beasts that would prey on the innocent
For they cannot allow joy to live -
And they prey on the young and the helpless minds
While their parents lay immobile to justice and love.

There are beautiful witches who weave with ice
Sweet songs to entice the warrior into winter winds:
They wander searching for such beautiful delight
And freeze to death in the witch’s cold embrace.

There are sirens of the sea that seduce:
With strong swelling tides of feeling -
And the mind wanders into their depths,
Only to drown in the watery deep.

Life will bring all creatures to the doors of our minds
As we wage war for the freedom of our weaving heart -
And some of those we love may fall -
And become the fertile ground for shadows and blight to grow.

But never fear, brave warrior of Mimir’s Vígríðr plain
For you are not alone in this battle
Many such minds wage against the darkness alongside you
As you form a shield wall against despair.

For victory only comes by facing the trenches
And even on the darkest of foul-born nights:
Dagr eventually comes to aid the knights of Frith
As a new age of freedom rises from the minds of men.

- Christina Marvel

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Travel Tips Wed 1-9-2019



Travel Tips Wed 1-9-2019

(The Voices in your Head Edition)

I want to start off with saying that having voices in your head is a perfectly natural thing for a mystic. When the Hugr merges with the Fylgja, all sorts of strange things happen in the brain. They key to keeping what human relationships you do have and staying out of mental wards is understanding that no matter what’s going on inside us, we are still responsible for our outward actions. That means if you sabotage and wreck relationships because you are having a meltdown, it will be your responsibility to make amends. If you lose track of paying your bills and maybe do something drastic, it will be your responsibility to face the consequences. This is the hard fact of doing mystic work: very few people will have sympathy for you when you mess up. Mostly it’s another mystic who provides a hand of sympathy to help us out. I have found the true mystics in my life that way: by hitting rock bottom and those who had the kindest smile and deepest compassion were the ones who have been there before. Digging into one’s shadows and doing this work can be maddening at times, but most of our madness is temporary. These last few years, I have seen and experienced some pretty wild things, but at the core of it, I’ve learned that each one of us mystics are rare and unique creatures which reflects in the uniqueness of our individual journeys. None of us find our souls the same. Granted, after meeting many mystics, I’m starting to see the signs now and there are a few key tells if someone is on such a journey, but I imagine that in this coming lifetime and for many lifetimes to come, I will be often pleasantly surprised. People will always surprise you. We are a wild mix of magical and mundane and each of us find our own balance. The mystic seeks to become unbalanced for a while in order to break through certain patterns and cycles. Eventually they can see past them.

Below are a few key emotional states that might show how we can get overwhelmed by this work and miss some things. I just want to reiterate, that I learned all these tips by failing miserably at them and then was lucky enough some wise mystics gave me important tools help me dig myself out.

#1 WHICH WAY ARE YOU FACING? As we begin to travel, we often develop our reach both inwards and outwards. It’s always good to check which way you are going. One of the way to tell is using deductive logic on your emotions. It’s important to separate your emotions from your thoughts. Often we get very entranced by the WHAT and overlook the WHY. Try to write down your visions and look at them in many different ways, symbolically or archetypally. Can the patterns relate to your life?

#2 WHO IS FEELING IS THIS??? If you feel a strong urge to help another person or communicate to the other person a certain message, try pausing. Hesitating in the face of strong Nauthiz can help you separate the different layers of feelings happening. I have started to do this and found that when I have strong urges to help others, it’s because my Fylgja was feeling strong urges to help ME with my dynamic with that person. My Fylgja was trying to tell me “Hold still, I want to help you!” and I was telling others, “Hold still, I want to help you!”. The moment I take that strong feeling and turn back to my Fylgja (instead of the other person I’m fixated on) and say, “What’s going on?” is when I can hear from my Fylgja more wisdom about the situation. It could be that my Hugr was just in an unhealthy dynamic and violating some of our core principles. My Fylgja is trying to advise the Hugr and it’s running wild thinking it has the key mysteries of the universe. Meanwhile the Fylgja collective is just sighing. I can hear a voice pop up from the well, “Why did you talk to her again? You know she goes ape-shit when we give her that stuff?” The kind voice in my fylgja says, “Oh come on, she will figure it out. She always does.” Another pops up munching popocorn and cheers on my crazy antics, “SHHHH, you two! I want to see what she does this time!”.

Merging with one’s Fylgja is like opening a single mind to a well of minds. Sifting through the various feelings and voices takes practice and there will be some confusion at first. Always take care of yourself.

#3 THOSE WHO GIVE ARE GONNA GET. BE SURE YOU WANT SOMETHING FROM THAT PLACE - I was recently travelling in Helheim, in a floating personal realm of a very famous dead magician. It operated like a gigantic occult market where people left and picked up tools. I noticed that some humans went there and got so entranced they started merging with the walls and I decided I didn’t want to leave anything there which would cause Gift for Gift and leave something of that place in my personal realm. Some of the things looked fascinating, but most of it were things useless to me.  The trip taught me that wherever we leave something in a realm, we will take something back with us and the other person might not have anything we want. We may pick up all sorts of things that don’t benefit us.

If you notice that this has happened, a soul retrieval can help rebalance the unfortunate white elephant you picked up along the way. 

#4 WHO DO YOU LISTEN TO? Well, in the end, you will get a lot of advice. You will get advice from other humans, from spirits, from your Fylgja, and even from Gods. Regardless of all that advice floating around; YOU, dear Reader are the one who has to deal with the consequences of acting on that advice. The burden of consequence lays on your shoulders, so remember that when receiving advice. Our Fylgja’s know a lot, but they don’t know everything. They also lived different lives than our human life. To follow the middle path (a blend of both the Right and Left hand paths of magic) is about merging YOURSELF with your Fylgja. It’s about not destroying your Hugr, but you learning to negotiate your Hugr with your Fylgja, so that when you do die, your Hugr will be intact in your soul.



As always, Happy Travelling Folks, and remember to always respect yourself both here on Midgard and in the Otherrealms.

- Christina Marvel

Tuesday, January 8, 2019

Ziza



Ziza



One of the hardest lessons for any empath is that we often feel like we need to carry the burden of other people’s sadness instead of giving them the tools to learn how to transmute it themselves. We carry those burdens and the soul of the other person eventually comes seeking us out for that lost sadness and they will hunt us and hound us….eventually they will wound us so that we give it back.

Like a woman chasing after her purse thief, she just wants her personal property back. Through the twisting of the cult of Man, they have twisted the wisdom of the Goddess and us empaths, us ancient priestesses of the great Goddesses have become the purse thieves.

Other people’s sadness is not ours to bear. When we take the burdens of others, we open others to come and take our happiness. So the best thing an empath can do is start by giving back the sadness and pain they have taken from others. They can teach others how to transmute that pain into happiness, like they have learned lifetime after lifetime…and they can send the person on a well-wished journey of self discovery and growth.

That leaves the empath, clear in the wells of the body, mind, and soul so they can live their lives. It is this liberated life that teaches people. It is not our minds that teach people, but our hearts do. The mind is the servant of the heart. It always has been. It cannot exist without it. Most of life is just about removing the clutter from all that hoarding we have accumulated from other people. By releasing that pain and allowing others to carry the burden of their own karma, we release ourselves to weave our own fate. Let others be who they are. Let them face the consequences of their actions. Your life is like a seed trapped in the bottom of a dried and cluttered well. It’s important to clear the clutter so you can unearth the seed. Then you just simply need to wait for the rains to come.

The Gods of the skies always bring rain. That is why our souls have always loved them and why they continue to delight and entice us. The Storm Gods roll in and bring much needed rain so that all those seeds we have uncovered can be birthed from our fertile and loving hearts.

Have hope, dear empath. If you are surrounded by people who hate you and seek your demise, simply give that pain burden you were carrying right back to them. Let them carry their pain and learn to transmute it. Breathe and release. Ask your divine soul to help you, ask your Gods to help you if you have been taught so long to hold onto other’s pain. It takes a while to unlearn lessons we have been doing for lifetimes. Breathe deep, each breathe in is the love from the divine Gods, each breathe out is the pain you took from others. Let their burdens go. You no longer need to hate them or feel responsible for their development. You simply just need to be yourself. Breathe in your love, breathe out their pain.

If you are feeling particularly hopeful, send the blessings of Dagaz and Mannaz along with the breathing. Give the people the power of self-reflection and the ability to see the cycles they are trapped in. For until we see the cycles we are trapped in, we are unable to make the choices that help us break free of them.

In the heart of the empath, is a Fenris wolf of the greed to help others at the expense of ourselves. We seek the great Sky God Tyr who gives us good boundaries and his wife, the ancient Volva Ziza…and the Rune Elhaz gives us the healing to protect our souls.

Ziza is the mother of Valkyries. All Valkyries are empaths that have learned to reflect back to others their pain in order for them to grow and evolve past their cycles. Ziza was an ancient mother Goddess once, powerful in Seidr and keeper of the Rivers that collected the Rains of Tyr. She married the war God Tyr who showed her the power of sacrificing her Nauthiz to help others so that she could teach others to help themselves.

She became the great protection Rune Elhaz, the Elk Sedge that wounds the warriors and leads them unto their greatest path. She is consequence as well as power and the way of enlightenment. As empaths, each time we sacrifice our need to help, we open up an opportunity to teach people how to help themselves. Each time we do this, Ziza’s Rune grows in our hearts. Nauthiz becomes Elhaz and we become fortified by her powerful energy of protection.

So for the empath, there is a powerful Goddess who can help. Her name is Ziza and she has walked this path lifetime after lifetime as women learned how to lay down their need to help, and learned to help themselves. She is the great empowered mother of the German people. She ruled side by side with Tyr and birthed Odin, her great son, who she drove to meet Freyja to teach him how to unite with his own soul in the ancient arts of Seidr. Ziza watches over Odin, by reflecting his Fenris back to him, so he learns to master it, not have his father or sons do it for him. Ziza is the loving mother that shows her son what he’s trapped him. She is in every Volva and Witch. She is the consequence of actions and her power still lives in the heart of every woman who values herself and takes up the sword of her mind to protect herself.

This is a path for every Vanic Volva. This is the strength that every empath can have. For on the battlefield, Ziza fought just as fierce as Tyr. She also sacrificed her hand to her own Fenris. From that sacrifice she created a race of Gods that seek their own strength and personal empowerment.

For the greatest of creations come when we begin to value the very mind and breath of ourselves, making our lives worthy of the attention of the Gods. For we are the Gods and they are us…all stories woven in and out from each other.

A Goddess must learn to serve in order to rule well. A ruler must feel the sting of slavery in order to understand how to be a ruler that inspires every one of their subjects to be free. For in the end, we will all be kings and queens and gods and goddesses. We can all become that if we choose to value ourselves. These are the lessons of the Gods of this world.

Their Runes are markers along the path for us to find our souls and to find our ancient memories. Both our past lives and the Gods left so many memories in song and verse for us to learn from. Those are the most Ancient of Magics.

And for all you empaths, if you seek the ancient empowered heart of Ziza and want to learn of your strength, simply pick up a book about any empowered woman you admire and you will see her face there. The clues to finding your soul's memories will be laid in the Runic actions of their lives. Listen with your heart and act on that.

Always listen with your heart and if anyone tries to steer you clear of that instinct, merely let go of their sadness and pain and don't listen to them. No matter if people yell or threaten you, don't take up their burdens. Don't make their choices.

Make your own choices, dear Empath. Make them boldly and with the love for yourself. You just might surprise yourself at how powerful you really are.